April 22, 2008

Unleash Your Inner Goblin!

They key to a new future is in your hands

Stress is a daily aspect of your life. Whether it be from work, relationships, traffic, or any number of other sources, it's there. The important thing is how you deal with stress. Many people will tell you that a positive outlook and simple excercises are the key to using stress to your advantage. These people are, of course, idiots who make money off naive fools.

Unleash the Goblin within you! Learn to use the power of stress to unleash your inner goblin. With this course, you will learn to:
  • delight in the misery of others
  • torment small animals and children for pleasure
  • speak in a shrill voice with a Cockney accent
  • make arrows with black goo on them (usually poison)
  • wear mismatched armour
  • conceal yourself in shadows (useful in the stock room or warehouse!)
  • lie
  • cheat
  • lie some more
  • steal
  • grovel pathetically for mercy
  • attack in swarms
  • laugh maniacally

And for a limited time, when you purchase this course on DVD, you will also receive the 'Goblin on the Go' CD. A great gift valued at 19.99 for free. Useful when you need quick goblin tips during bus rides, staff meetings, and hunting lone hikers in the woods.

Unleash your inner goblin now!

Stop pretending to be happy about your stress; make someone else miserable instead! Just listen to these testimonials..

"I think I ordered this along time ago and forgot about it, but I absorbed all the info cause I still use some of those tactics today. I can say that it is all useful info. I encourage everyone to order it. I might even order it again to brush up on my Goblin Rampage skills."

"Now this sounds like the DVD for me. I'm tired of pretending that I'm not under stress. Now I can be mean to people, and if they ask why, then I can just say I ordered Unleash Your Inner Goblin on DVD. They will have to understand. If they don't, then they aren't my real friends!"

"Ive been a nasty son of a 'explitive' for seven years now, Kingmonkeys DVD changed my life! Before I was kind, congenial and walked over. Now people avoid and fear me... they know that if they get in my way I'll ruin their lives with the same obsessive compulsive dilligence that I do everything. Plus it gives me another excuse to eat kittens. Thanks Kingmonkey!"

"Before taking the Goblin program, I was a kind and generous person. Now, I hunt people for sport and push old ladies down the stairs. Thanks Monkey!"

2 comments:

C. Leigh Schofield said...

XD If I weren't broke, I would so buy something like that... Hi, KingMonkey+1, this is HalloweenNumber1, from Roleplay Gateway. Yup, this is Cassandra. (That's my real name.) Anyways, just poking around everyone's information, got nothing to do, as I've already posted all that long post... that was pretty much everything I'd been thinking of posting since yesterday... but I was lazy then and didn't feel like it.

glendoor42 said...

Maplebang!!!!!!