December 01, 2010

With Great Paranoia Comes Great... uh, Wait

A couple days ago, while I was heating up some frozen food in the microwave for the babyboy, I had a bit of a startle. I opened the microwave upon completion of the 30-second, high-power cooking cycle and a spider ran out of the microwave! He (okay, maybe she-- I couldn't say) ran out and skittered under the microwave to disappear into the darkness beneath, presumably to plot revenge from some sinister, web-coated corner of my house, unreachable by human hands.

Now, I admit I don't know much about entomology or microwave ovens other than the basics of both but surely something is very wrong here. Can it be that I have unwittingly created the progenitor of a race of mutant spiders, endowed with cruel human intelligence by the transforming power of a Hitachi microwave oven, bent on retribution for countless generations of slapped, crushed, poisoned, and now irradiated arachnids? Given that much of my understanding of radiation comes from sci-fi movies and comic books, I can only say yes-- yes, mankind is now doomed to extinction by a kingdom of spiders.

For what it's worth, I'd like to apologize to all of you right now for unleashing an arachnid-driven genocide of humankind. My bad-- I'm really sorry.

Still, I remain cautiously optimistic that I may be bitten in the near future and have already begun to shop for spandex!

1 comment:

Antikas said...

This was kingmonkey's last post. Death by a mutant microwavioactive spider has to be the worst way to go.

R.I.P. my friend. You will be missed.